


Learning to Let Go

by monogramsalarm



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Light Angst, barry's just sad, but like everything is okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 04:36:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18242498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monogramsalarm/pseuds/monogramsalarm
Summary: Barry couldn't feel for a decade. Now that everything was okay, he was feeling too much and he couldn't stand it.





	Learning to Let Go

Everyone else seemed to fall back into a routine fairly easily. Magnus was fast at work rebuilding Raven’s Roost, Merle had started his Extreme Teen Adventures, and Taako was trying build up his brand again, this time in his school of magic. Barry thought he could start anew, putting the decade he’d been through behind him. But things ended up being more complicated than he’d thought. Even with Lup by his side once more, he couldn’t quite move on. He desperately wanted to, but it was too much to just put everything in the past.

In his lich form, Barry had struggled just to survive. He only had the memories of his friends who had then forgotten him, the phantom touch of the love of his life who he desperately tried to find every day, and the distrust of one of the people he cared about the most. If he lost control for a second, it could all be over. The thought that his lich form could be corrupted in a split second if he lost hold of those he loved was always there, always lingering, reminding him of how futile his efforts could be. 

Barry turned to numbness. Feeling nothing at all was better than feeling too much and losing everything he’d worked for. After he lost control in Lucas’ lab upon seeing the Umbrastaff, seeing  _ Lup _ , he cursed himself for months for being reckless with his emotions. But after the Hunger was defeated and everything seemed okay, he didn’t know how to go about living again. After keeping his emotions at bay for a decade, Barry didn’t know how to function. For the first few days after their victory, he just cried. Some were happy tears, some were relief, some were anger, but it was all cathartic. Every time he looked at Lup, he couldn’t stop the tears that began flowing because she was  _ there _ . For a decade, he just held onto her memory, but now he could really hold onto her.

“Hey Barry, you doing okay?” Taako called out, carrying a tray into his room. After the Hunger’s attack, they hadn’t had much time to settle in, so Taako’s room on the Bureau’s moon base had become Lup and Barry’s. Barry had barely left his room and Taako wasn’t going to try and force him to. He had neglected to eat for two days though, which wasn’t abnormal, but Taako needed to make sure his brother was doing as well as he could, considering the circumstances.

“I guess…” He heard a sniffle and saw Barry sitting on his bed, curled up against the headboard. Taako sat beside him, setting the tray down.

“I made lunch. You hungry?” Taako asked softly, not wanting to overwhelm him.

“Yeah, thanks Koko.” He muttered, reaching for the sandwich on the tray.

“You haven’t called me that in a while, Barold.” Taako nudged him. “How are you holding up? I know it’s been really rough for you the past decade.” Barry took a deep breath, chewing thoughtfully.

“I don’t…” He sighed, furrowing his brows. “I don’t know how to express my feelings anymore. I held them back for so long that it’s just…” He cleared his throat, shaking his head. “It’s just coming out as tears.” Taako nodded, scooting over towards Barry, who rested his head on Taako’s shoulder.

“Sometimes you just have to cry it out, Barry.” Taako rubbed his back. “And in your case, maybe crying it out takes a little bit! We’ll be here for you when you’re ready, you don’t have to be alone again.” He felt Barry start to shake beside him and wrapped his arms around him.

“I was alone for so… So long, Taako.” he murmured, fighting back tears. “I just needed my family, but none of you were there a-and you couldn’t be. But now you’re all here and we’ve all made it…” Barry wiped his eyes, knowing the sobs were about to take him over at any second. “It’s such a relief. I love you all so much.” He hugged Taako tightly, letting it all out. Taako just held onto his best friend, making sure he wasn’t holding back. He needed to get through the decade of emotional turmoil he suffered through alone and Taako decided he was going to help. After a few hours of them talking, Lup came in the room and smiled, her lich form floating over to the bed.

“How are my favorite boys doing?” She saw that Barry’s eyes were red and puffy. “Getting some more crying out?”

“Gonna be like that for a bit.” Barry chuckled, still resting his head on Taako’s shoulder. “By the time I get it all out, you’re going to be back in your body and we’re gonna be back at square one because I’ll be able to hold you again” He grinned up at the love of his life, feeling that tightness in his chest that he got every time she smiled back at him. After half a century, that feeling was still there. Lup hovered above the bed on his other side, placing her spectral hand on top of his despite the fact that she would just phase right through him.

“I wish I could’ve been there… To help you through it.” She murmured softly, looking him over. “But I’m glad we’re here now. Especially since we now know Taako’s dating a skeleton and can make fun of him for it,” her soft smile turned into a malicious grin, causing Taako to whine in response.

“He’s not a skeleton  _ all _ the time!” He defended as Lup and Barry cackled. “Speaking of, he and I have a date, so I’ll leave you two here for a bit.” He stood up, pulling on a sweater and his oversized wizard’s hat. “Have fun, make sure you get some kind of dinner and drink water! You’ve cried a lot today, you need to stay hydrated.” Taako smiled over at them, grabbing his bag and leaving the room. Barry felt his shoulders immediately start to shake again and Lup sat closer to him, letting her hand phase through his.

“Hey, deep breaths babe,” Lup gestured to the blanket that sat next to him. “Use Taako’s weighted blanket and lay it on the side where I am. Maybe if you close your eyes it’ll feel like I’m here.” She cracked a small smile. Barry nodded, closing his eyes as he set the blanket on his shoulder. Lup looked him up and down. “I love you, Barry. You know that, right?” A small smile crossed his face.

“Of course I know that.” He sighed deeply. “I love you too, Lu.” He sat, hearing the subtle humming noise of Lup’s spectral form that was so familiar and so comforting to him. You wouldn’t have heard it unless you knew it was there, which Barry absolutely did. It was a reminder that, no matter what she’d been through, she was still with him. And the reminder that Barry didn’t have to be alone anymore was more than welcome.

**Author's Note:**

> I was just having a lot of Barry Emotions and wanted to write a lil thing! Hope you enjoy!


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